Catfished: what does this mean?
lure (someone) into a relationship using a fictional online persona.
Have I ever been cat-fished? Yes, like most of you I’ve been on those god awful dating apps hoping to meet someone fantastic only to be sorely disappointed upon meeting them.
Not only does this happen with girls you meet off the advertising escort websites hoping that the photo matches the reality.. but when she arrives, she also is not the blonde you asked for, she is someone completely different in their late 40’s who is standing at your door greeting you. So what option do you take option 1? Invite her in? Option 2. Say an early good night, thanks for coming speech and be on your way.. or option 3, just turn off all the lights even though she’s at your door somehow she won’t know your obviously home. Option 4. Stand there staring at her awkwardly in silence and eventually she will walk away.
As much as in the industry women continue to catfish the gents it happens in reality outside of work too! Men do catfish also.
Settle in and I’ll tell you my online dating app catfish story!
Recently single in my mid 20’s, after months of soul searching here I was at my laptop at 2 am, perhaps admittedly a little tipsy on the wine and my loneliness kicking in I decided to join a dating app
After a week of browsing and countless hookup messages, one message had caught my eye.
Upon opening the message the introduction was impressive and quite a lengthy read. Perhaps a copy and paste intro , but I was interested.
I immediately replied.
The next day I received a reply and soon enough we exchanged further contact details. After a few days of back and forth texting, a few photos being exchanged and getting to know each other it was time to meet.
Nothing so far seemed alarming, no red flags. Nothing that screamed “ fake “.
I mean, we had a great conversation, he answered everything I asked in a lengthy well-written response. I gotta admit he was indeed good with his words. As a sapiosexual I was falling for his game, that’s for sure! We got on like a house on fire, he was charismatic, charming, funny .. he was ticking all my boxes. So what could go wrong!
We exchanged a few selfies, some he sent of him out and about doing activities the dude in the photo was quite handsome and I was eager to meet.
Finally, we set a date & time and I was excited. This guy seemed so great on paper surely he has to match that in person right? I was so excited.
But my fantasy was about to come to a crashing halt!
After getting ready I sent him a courtesy on my way text and told him what I was wearing so I was easy to spot.
Ten minutes before meeting at the arranged spot he changed the meeting spot for someplace completely different that was another 20 minutes out of my way. But I agreed.
I arrived first. It was a small cafe outside of Coles. I am not a prissy person, but I was expecting a little nicer than a small cafe outside of Coles that had a few tables and a Pop-up cafe van. Sitting there alone, waiting patiently he was still texting me cute messages.
Then he arrived! I saw a tall man walking by with a casual tee, beer belly, late 40’s to mid 50’s unshaved , dark-haired man. I took no notice until he walked up to me introducing himself as ( let’s call him) ‘ Jeremy ‘.
I was shocked! This was not the man I was supposed to meet. Who is this guy? The guy in the photo was my height, surfer body toned, late 20’s and not this guy!
Who the hell is he! I was instantly a little angry, this guy is a fake. He led me on this entire time only to be someone else.
Did he expect me to still go ahead with this meet? But none of the options above I decided to take after all now I was curious.
Why did he intend to catfish me who is he and what’s his plan now?
So, I shook his hand and sat down.
As we began chatting this guy was abruptly arrogant, slumped back in the chair, smoking a cigarette, he barely looked at me and when he did it was only to utter the simple words ‘ oh yeah’. This conversation is a dive and we are only ten mins in. I need an escape plan - fast.
Looking around I couldn't see any excuses I could pull out of a hat, ’ I need to run to the pharmacy before it closes’
I was stuck!
So I decided to skip the small talk and mention. the obvious so at last I said ’ the photo you sent me of you at the waterfall is different, I mean that is not a recent photo. When did you take that’
I was getting annoyed with his arrogance & one-worded conversation I guess, so I pulled out the big guns.
To which he replied ‘ oh yeah that’s me, but that was taken 20 years ago! ‘
My face dropped. This guy is getting away with this and so casually admitted it, but hey he was being truthful, to say the least. Hi-five for that, but still. 20 years ago he took this photo! Seriously!
After another 5 mins of chatting, he asked me if I wanted to continue this little tea party elsewhere at his house.
Code for ‘ let’s get into bed together ‘ he sure isn’t inviting me around for milo and to watch ‘ Mash ‘ on tv!
I politely declined, he seemed quite upset with that response angrily grabbed his keys stood up and then hugged me, he leaned in for a kiss to which I quickly avoided I should have seen that plan when I agreed to the goodbye hug. ‘ bye’ I said politely and began walking to my car.
He replied ‘ let’s catch up another time’
What do I say... a ‘ no ‘ ‘ let’s not’
I am not meeting this guy again especially after he fooled me and got away with this catfish method. Not interested.
As I got to the car , I responded’ I’ll call ya ‘. I drove off feeling relieved that was over. That was torturous. That was the worst half-hour of my life!
15 minutes later, I got the text.
‘ it was lovely to meet you I’d love for you to come by on the weekend and spend the night’
This was not going to happen, so I decided to let it be known I was not happy about his game and we will not be going any further. So I did I had to be straight to the point no need to leave anything open for miscommunication “ after meeting you and realising you are not the man in the photos and with the attitude you brought to the table, I am not interested in going further. ‘
Okay yes I know - it’s a little harsh. But in my defence, I was still furious.
He replied ‘ what a shame, I enjoyed meeting you and I’d love to see you again’
He ignored the fact I caught him out and is still trying to win. He must love the chase. I replied ‘ no that won’t be happening ‘ take care. ‘ and I never heard from him again.
However looking back, in my nativity I could have a video called him or asked for a video of him doing something. Spoken on the phone. There are a million ways to verify him and yet I took his word for it.
As a first-time online dating experience, I can say I learnt a lot about this meet and greet experience & I did continue my venture on the dating apps for a while after but I was cautious and much more selective on who I met and I did ask for current & updated selfies and video verification, I wasn’t going to be caught out again.
Have you ever been catfished? I would love to hear your story and your thoughts on how you handled that situation.
