Many men are often worried that women, and even escorts available for hire, will not be attracted to them. People can be hasty to judge what they believe to be the standard traits that makes men attractive to the opposite sex. “I am not a model” or “I am not as pretty as those young studs or male escorts I am sure you are friends with” are comments that are frequently quoted.
This type of approach can be highly flawed as there is so much more to a person that is desirable. It really does comes down to the whole package and who you are as a person that makes you attractive.
And there are very few things that come to mind that are as attractive and arousing as a man who can mesmerize me with his wit and intellect.
Sapiosexual is a term that is popping up more and more of late. In fact sapiosexual even turns up as a type of fetish on alternative community sites such as Fetlife. Of course, being a woman who enjoys reading and research, I did some investigating and I learned that when a person, be it male or female, is aroused, attracted to, or sexually stimulated by the intelligence of another, they are referred to as being a sapiosexual. It is what some would call “geek love” or “nerd love”.
Now I have been a self-proclaimed nerd since the 90s, long before it was cool or hip (hipster?) or even sexy. But this whole sapiosexual thing did get me thinking. When I sit and reflect on what are the qualities and traits of all the men I have ever been attracted to, all the ones I have ever dated, and even simply the ones I have found myself wiling the hours away at a bar during the late hours on a Saturday night, I would have to narrow it down to their ability to hold absorbing and rational discussion as being the landmark quality.
Yes, I am a healthy and fully functioning women, so attractiveness and character still play a part on a minute level – I would be telling fibs if I said otherwise – but it isn’t the first thing that makes me get those butterflies in the tummy. To be honest, wit and intelligence only enrich a man’s character rather than anything else.
When you look around at our culture, especially celebrity culture and mainstream media, intelligence is not something that is really celebrated or even desired. Many people who are idolised and made famous have often been granted that fame and fortune by doing boorish or dumb things. It would be a rare thing to find a celebrity who is worshiped the world over by millions of adoring fans for having, say, invented faster than light speed space travel. The people on the front covers of GQ or Entertainment Weekly magazines aren’t there because they invented a time machine or cured toe fungus.
But if you are a sapiosexual, then these people do nothing for you. In fact, they are a turn off because to you being intelligent, being smart, and being creative is the real turn on.
Way back in my high school days I was the girl you could find in the library during the lunch break. There was one particular time when I was outed (you have to remember I grew up in regional QLD in the late 1990s, so one got “outed” for pretty much anything if you didn’t fall in line with the herd majority) for being in the library reading a book on one of my favourite subjects - Emily Bronte - and was met with laughing and ridicule. I remember lots of comments along the lines of “You are such a nerd”.
Whilst all of these jibes were like water off a duck’s back to me, I knew deep down inside that my teenage sex appeal was pretty much non-existent from that moment onward.
Back in the day, to get the boys at my high school you had to ditch the books and play a sport, namely volleyball. Or do surf lifesaving, which is what the cool group of kids did on weekends before their beach parties. Once I escaped my teenage years and left for the big city, my enjoyment of books and reading went unseen by those around me. Quite astonishingly I found myself being complemented on how different I was.
So many times I remember falling hard with the love crush over a nerdy guy. The quiet boy always reading the classic novel on the train, the boy into comics, art or video games. I remember once I was head over heels for a guy who was a fantastic cartoonist. He could draw such incredibly detailed drawings in such lighting speeds that I was smitten.
Fast forward to the present day and not much has changed for me when it comes to men. I am still charmed and magnetised by passion and intelligence. I am still besotted by a man who dives so deeply into his passions, hobbies or causes and is knowledgeable enough to stand his ground long and hard. I adore the show of intensity and devotion.
Recently I enjoyed the company of a wonderful gentleman over several drinks at Cloudland in Brisbane. We talked for hours about life, love, relationships, science, history and how the world came to be, long after others in our group had left for the night. It was a great time. The next morning I awoke to a text message that read: “Your mind is such a turn on for me.”
I am still chuffed that I received such a message. I used to be very insecure about this when I first became an escort. I never thought in a million years that a man would hire me to be his companion and date for the evening, to take him out to dinner, to show him a good time. But they do. And it is so wonderful that intelligence is up there with what people look for in potential romantic partners.
When people’s minds come together, who knows what will be created by this beautiful thing. Surely that is something worth celebrating. And despite the stereotype of the geeky nerd who never ever gets love, a sapiosexual can be physically as well as intellectually stimulating.
Take it from me, someone who has been on lots of dates, both in my private life and as an escort: many a relationship (or romantic tryst) has started with a mutual interest in, say, reading or the arts, and ended up in bed.
